Relationships that are affected by intimate partner abuse all have one common factor – the cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse is a pattern of behavior that partners who are involved in relationships affected by domestic violence go through between incidents of abuse and this applies regardless of whether the partners are involved in heterosexual or same sex relationships. Although domestic violence deals with emotional, financial and physical abuse, the cycle of abuse primarily deals with physical abuse. There are generally three distinct phases of the cycle and include the tension building phase, the violent episode (also known as the acute battery) and the honeymoon phase, which is characterized by the perpetrators apologetic, loving behavior.

The tension-building phase in the cycle of violence is where emotional abuse, and sometimes even physical abuse begins. This is the phase where tension builds between the intimate partners and where recipients of the abuse experience high levels of anxiety, fear and anticipation about when the battery might occur. Although this phase is inevitable, it may begin due to stresses about finances, the couple’s children, trust issues or any other problem that the partners might be facing. Many victims of abuse try to calm their partners down during this phase by shifting attention away from the problem or by claiming responsibility for behavior that isn’t their fault. Once the tension peaks, the violent episode takes place.

The battering incident, also referred to as the acute battering incident, occurs when the tension-building phase escalates and the abusive partner attacks his or her victim. The episode is unpredictable and can be set off by anything. It is usually brought on by an external problem or internally within the abuser and rarely has to do with the acts or behavior of the intimate partner. There are times, however, when a victim might provoke his or her intimate partner into this phase, wanting to get it over with, knowing that the honeymoon phase is next. Once the battery begins, only the person inflicting the abuse can stop it. It is during this phase that many victims are seriously injured and even killed.

The final phase of the cycle of abuse is commonly referred to as the honeymoon phase. This is where all tension has left the relationship and the couple’s bonds are strengthened. During this phase, the abusive partner showers his or her victim with gifts and affection, acts lovingly and promises to never hurt him or her again. All parties affected by this cycle (including the abusive individual) want to believe the abuse is truly over. It is because of the extreme grief and devotion that the batterer shows his or her victim during this phase that prevents many victims of intimate partner violence from leaving their abusive relationships.

A victim who has experienced these cycles of abuse at least twice may be diagnosed with a recognized psychological condition known as battered person’s syndrome. This syndrome can be used as a defense to a crime committed by a battered person or may be used against a defendant in a domestic violence trial if his or her victim recants or refuses to cooperate with the prosecution.

Leaving an abusive relationship may be the only way to end this cycle of violence. California has an abundance of resources that are designed to help victims of domestic abuse leave their abusers and find ways to lead their lives free from violence. The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE is a great place to learn more about the signs and symptoms of domestic violence or to seek referrals for GLBT specific resources. Speaking with the compassionate, gay-friendly California domestic violence lawyers at the Kavinoky Law Firm, who have offices in Los Angeles and throughout California, may also be helpful for a victim to learn about his or her legal rights and remedies or for an individual accused of a DV crime to obtain legal advice and the finest representation. Contact them today for a free consultation.