In California, domestic violence applies to all crimes that are perpetrated against one’s intimate partner, regardless of whether the partners are heterosexual or involved in gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender same sex relationships. While the two groups both experience this growing problem with about the same rate of frequency, it is often experienced in very different ways.

There are, however, some similarities in the way that both groups (those who are “straight” and those who are not) feel the affects of intimate partner abuse. All people who are affected by D.V., regardless of their sexual orientation, may be exposed to physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse and financial abuse. The abuse will likely continue in a cyclical fashion and is used as a means to gain and maintain control over another. Victims of abuse share many of the same characteristics, which include anxiety, fear, anger, isolation, low-self esteem and a feeling that they are responsible for their partner’s violence and emotional/mental state. Despite these similarities, there are many differences in how the GLBT and heterosexual communities suffer through this problem that makes same sex domestic violence truly unique.

Many abused lesbian/gay individuals have a difficult time finding someone to take their claims seriously. Our society incorrectly believes that women simply aren’t violent or that the violence that takes place between men isn’t “abuse” but just “boys being boys,” which leaves victims feeling alone and frustrated. With respect to the police, many victims are hesitant or reluctant to call on them for help because it has been reported that the police will harass or ridicule the partners because of their homosexuality, because the police might say that they can’t tell who the abuser is (even though there may be clear evidence of physical injury to only one party) and because informing the police will “out” them.

Abused LGBT victims are also hesitant to discuss their abuse because they might be met with complacency. Many will react to the abuse by saying that such relationships are unstable or dysfunctional and that the abused individual is therefore deserving of the mistreatment that he or she receives. Even more disturbing is that victims are often fearful of facing cruelty by members of their own community who wish to perpetuate the myth that there are no problems within same sex relationships.

The fear of losing friends and support within the gay community is also a real concern for many victims. Oftentimes the GLBT community may be small in a given area and, if abuse is discussed, it won’t be long before everyone knows about it and sides with one partner or the other, making support difficult to find and leaving the abused feeling isolated.

Perhaps the biggest difference between heterosexual and homosexual domestic abuse is with respect to the services and resources that are available to both partners affected by this type of abuse. Services that are specific to the LGBT community definitely exist but are not nearly as plentiful as the services that are available to heterosexuals affected by DV. Many service providers lack the sensitivity, experience and training to adequately recognize and address the unique issues that face same sex couples affected by intimate partner abuse. In addition, if they “come out” to providers who are not discreet with the information, a victim risks losing his or her job, home, friends, family, etc., leaving him or her even more alone, more depressed and more fearful.

The trusted, GLBT supportive attorneys at the Kavinoky Law Firm have law offices in Los Angeles and throughout the state, which allows them to provide their exceptional legal advice and professional services to anyone in need of a gay-friendly California domestic violence lawyer who is devoted to protecting his or her client’s rights. They are also available to assist in locating statewide resources for those seeking help that will meet their individual needs in caring, nurturing and supportive environments. To learn more, contact them today for a free consultation.